Friday, May 30, 2014

Confirmation

Brent @ approx 22 weeks
The wait for the perinatologist visit was a very difficult 11 days.  When you've been told there might be something wrong with your baby, you naturally want to know everything there is to know right then and there.  You try not to let your mind run wild in those days while you wait, but it's in our nature - at least it's in mine.  I'll definitely be talking about faith at various times throughout this blog, but those of you who know me know that my mind works in a more analytical, scientific sort of way.  I immediately wanted to know exactly what we were dealing with so I could research it, figure out how to "fix it", discover the odds, find out what - if anything - was within my control, etc.

It turns out we wouldn't get much of this information at this visit.  However, we would get confirmation of what the doctor suspected, or knew, at the 20 week ultrasound 11 days earlier.  Our precious baby boy would be born with a heart defect.  The extent of which my wife and I still do not know as I am writing this.  The best I understand it and can explain at this point is that the heart has 2 major vessels that carry blood to it - 1 to the right side and 1 to the left side.  Instead of 2 vessels, Brent has one only on the left side of his heart.  We now have a follow up appointment on Monday with a pediatric cardiologist to hopefully figure out more about what this means.

I asked the perinatologist if it is fixable, and his response was "I think so", but he can't really say much because it isn't his speciality.  He asked us a lot of questions about whether or not we had a family history of hearth defects (we don't to my knowledge).  He asked about whether our screening tests had came back ok (they did to our knowledge).  So far, according to the doctors, it seems to be completely random.

But here is where my faith kicks in.  I can't believe this is random.  It has to be part of a bigger plan.  There has to be purpose for the pain little Brent and my family will go through.  There has to be... even if I can't see it yet.

David

3 comments:

  1. You will be tested greatly over the next weeks and months. I've been through more of this than anyone should ever have to. Stay strong, stay positive. Rely on each other and read everything you can - even if it's tough to stomach. It will help you when meeting with all the drs.
    We're thinking and praying for you all!

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  3. Dave, I appreciate you detailing our journey-you are so much better with words than I am. I also wanted something I could look back and reflect on. I wasn't able to worry much after the 20 week visit because the doctor wasn't sure, and I cannot mull over it as much without knowing the name of the defect. So, I am anxious for Monday to come around when we meet with the cardiologist and get more details about his condition. I was recently connected with a family whose one year old has Hyperplasty Left Heart Syndrome, and if this is what Brent has, then their lives give us a peek into the future of what our life will be with Brent. It will definitely be life-changing and challenging. With each pregnancy I knew there was always a possibility that our children could be different, so I am always grateful for what God has given us and that we could enjoy our children. I am praying for even the smallest chance to enjoy this one - that he will be born alive. With all the first trimester tests we did, there was never any doubt that we would love and keep our children- we just wanted to be mentally prepared as much as we could.

    Dave mentioned faith. For all who do not know, we believe in God because of the evidence he left us, and we have also seen God's work in our lives. There is a quote on my Facebook wall by Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard: "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." When I look back on my life, I see the reasons why God allowed certain circumstances to happen. And because I have seen evidence of His faithfulness, I can trust God with our family's future and with Baby Brent. We don't know what lies in store for us, but we trust that "...all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28).

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