He Is Here, He Is Real!

Brent Ethan Dunlap

One of the helpful and enjoyable things about Brent's pregnancy, especially after his diagnosis, was seeing it through the eyes of our 3 year old, Bryce.  We got to the point where we were able to see Brent almost weekly through the ultrasounds he was having done.  Bryce went to many of the appointments with us, and prior to seeing his brother on the computer screen, he used to ask us all the time "Is he real?"  From his 3 year old perspective, he heard us talking about his brother, but couldn't see him, so in his mind he wondered if his brother was real.  During the same ultrasound where we were waiting to figure out exactly what Brent's heart condition was, Bryce saw a 3D image of his brother for the first time.  I asked him "What do you think of your brother on the big screen?"  Bryce's reply was simple, but one that I'll never forget - he simply said "He's real" and smiled.  That's the moment he realized he was having a real little brother, because he never asked us after that if his brother was real.

One of the things that happens when you find out your child has a life threatening condition is that your mind can sometimes run wild with all kinds of "what if" scenarios, many of which you never want to consider or think about.  You wonder and worry about the future, and until they are born, you don't have your little one to wrap your arms around or their smiling face to help ground you in the moment.

The future is still uncertain and difficult to ponder at times, but we have a new source of inspiration and strength now.  I've felt his tiny little hands grasp my finger, and it reminds me that he needs me to be strong.  I've kissed his soft cheeks and looks into his beautiful brown eyes as he sees the world around him for the first time, and it reminds me that there is hope and wonder and love in our future, no matter how uncertain it is.  I've heard his sweet cry, and it reminds me that though there will be difficult days full of tears ahead, I've been so, so, so blessed to have the privilege of being the one who will comfort him and wipe those tears away.

My little man is here!  He is my warrior, my hero, my inspiration, my hope, and my strength.  He is all these things, because he is real!